Montana's Source for Fresh Roasted, Handcrafted Coffees
Things That Happen at the Pub.....
We needed a way to share the many unusual things that happen on an almost daily basis. Enjoy.
(Be certain to check the entire page as we have added several new entries)


March 2007
THAT IS SOOO WEIRD!!
It is a sunny Monday morning that was just flirting with spring.  You know the day, it happens every year, there is something
just a little different, the sun is just a little warmer, the sky is clear and blue and the air is still and calm and you just know
that winter is over. I decided that our terrazzo entry way needed to be freed from it's winter coat of grime and salt so I got a
bucket of hot water with an environmentally friendly cleaner and poured it on the terrazzo and started sweeping the muddy
water to the gutter. I am about finished when a cop car pulls up and parks in front of the shop. Remember, it is 6:30 a.m.
and me, the officer, and a few pigeons are about the only life on the street. The officer rolls down his window and asks if I
am "doing something unusual?" Insert a very puzzled look here. The officer laughs and says that someone called in and
reported that someone was doing something weird at 512 Central, then he shakes his head and drives away. And I was
wondering what I was going to talk to the customers about today.

January, and  February, 2007
GETTING JIGGY IN THE BOY'S ROOM
(This is the same couple as the October 2006 entry. It continues here.)
This young couple comes in, very cute, clean, perfect. They order drinks and sit on one of the couches and chat and giggle
and.... Pretty soon their affection has progressed from G rated to a good solid PG. This guy has licked her tonsils raw and
is rounding 2nd base on the couch in our shop!! I decide that I have to break this up before we go R rated but I have a line
at the counter to deal with first. The show is making customers uncomfortable and I am getting eye rolls and "looks" from
the regulars. I clear the 3:00 pm rush and go to break up the love festival, but they are gone. It takes a couple of seconds
to realize that they are in the bathroom, and we only have one. About 20 minutes later they come out, grab their coats and
leave. A couple of weeks later they come back. This time one of the staff is working with me and I point them out to her.
Sure enough they end up in the bathroom again. After about ten minutes my employee bangs on the door and asks if
everything is all right. Yes. She asks them to finish up because this is the only bathroom that we have and it needs to be
available for other customers. They come out and leave the store like nothing happened. We figure that we have
embarrassed them and that this will be the last of them. Wrong. They come back, and I am alone again and they are
sneaky. One goes into the bathroom at a time and again, I am busy and can't get out from behind the counter. They finish
up, come out and leave. I decide that this is not working for us and decide to refuse service if they ever come back. And
they did. And I refused service, and they left, very embarrassed.   


December 2006
GETTIN' A LITTLE JIGGY
A young lady comes in on an uneventful Monday. She appears a little agitated and says that she is just waiting to meet
someone. OK, we can handle that. After a few seconds she notices the Christmas Music that we have playing - it is a CD
that we sell called " The Bells of Dublin" by the Chieftains. Irish folk songs. She says that she just might have to dance a
little jig. We chuckle and say "Go ahead, I won' laugh too hard." The customer is offended and says that she is 100% Irish
and it wouldn't be funny if she were to dance a jig. "Yes it would." we said. The girl goes off on us with some story about
how her nieces and nephews come over to her house and dance jigs and they are very good, and it is NOT funny. We nod
politely. The customer orders a mocha and sits in the chair way in the back corner to wait for her meeting.
Dance a little jig in Cool Beans on Monday afternoon; I don't care who you are, that's funny.

November 2006
Cuba Rocks!!
One busy afternoon a woman came up to the bar, very excited, and asked loudly if I am Cuban. I am only mildly confused  
(mildly because I have been doing this for 4 years and these kinds of questions just don't have the impact that they used
to). She senses my confusion and proffers an explanation; it turns out that the music playing is Cuban. The Cd's that we
sell have some sort of a connection to coffee, of course, including one that contains some very lively Cuban folk music. I
answer that I am not Cuban, it is, after all, just a CD, not a political statement. She is crushed and mutters that I am some
kind of a fraud.
What I simple world. You can identify everyone's nationality by the music that they listen to.
Pop, Rock, Jazz, Bluegrass, it's easy.

October 2006
Your Room or Mine?
So this couple comes in. Cute, very affectionate. They order their drinks then sit in one of the love seats and snuggle and
giggle. I wash some dishes, trying to decide how to ask them to keep it G rated, and turn around and they are gone.
Michele says that they went to the bathroom. OK. Several minutes later I walk to the back room to get something and notice
that they are BOTH in the SAME bathroom (we only have one). I tell Michele that I think that they are getting friendly it in the
bathroom. After about 10 minutes of discussing this situation with customers Michele decides that this has got to end, what
if someone actually needs to use the bathroom? She bangs on the door and tells them to wrap it up. They come out like
nothing has happened, pick up their drinks and leave. Coffee and a quickie. Just another service we offer.

August 2006
A guy came into the shop the other day, nothing really unusual. He is very big and very bald, but nothing suggested
anything worthy of being mentioned here; until he turned around.. On the back of his head was a very detailed TATTOO of
HIS FACE!!! No really. I saw it, right here.

Christmas Break 2005
Merry Christmas, Mom.
It is Christmas break and all the college kids are home for the break. It is great to see them all getting together and catching
up with friends that they haven't seen since summer. Except for one thing. At the end of the day we find and empty
pregnancy test box. During the break it happens two more times. One girl leaves her purse in the shop. We look inside to
see if we can find contact information. In her purse we find a cell phone, $4.00, tampons, condoms and an empty
pregnancy test box. I guess college is more complex than it used to be.
Coffee and the answer to the wrong question.
Merry Christmas.

February 23, 2005
POETIC
It's Wednesday and we are in the lull between the morning crowd and the lunch crowd. There is one customer in the shop,
a regular who works downtown. She is sitting at the bar speaking with Michele while I prepare her take-out order. Through
the door comes one of the nuts. Usually he strolls into the shop with mighty strides and a purposeful posture, searching for
Susan. His trench coat and his long hair flow as he strides to the back of the shop, turns on his heel and strides back out
the door. He has done this about once a week for 2 years. He has never found Susan, but he keeps on looking. About two
weeks ago he asked me to post a poster regarding a poetry reading that he was organizing at the public library. It was hand
written and photocopied,  I decided not to put it up. Today he is angry because we did not post his poster and he yells at
Michele about it. She handles it very well. Just as he starts to escalate his tirade she points to the door and says "
Goodbye, no..., goodbye." He moves to the door, then spins around to make his final stand. I have had enough and yell
"Get out, or I will call the police" before he can start speaking. He stands his ground. I pick up the phone and start dialing
while I walk toward him. He turns and runs.
Coffee and drama with your lunch.  Perrrfect.

January 6, 2005
MY FRIEND, YOUR FRIEND??!!
It is late Thursday afternoon, the shop is packed and the air is filled with lively conversations. I have just caught up with the
rush and decide to take a couple of minutes to chat with some of the familiar customers. Steve (our attorney) and his friend
Mark are sitting in the furniture group near the front door, you know the one with the red couch and the two brown leather
chairs, and we are talking about something important like whether or not you should get out of the car when the police pull
you over. (Steve's story, not mine) I am standing near the brown chairs when a woman, probably in her late 50s, bursts
through the door points at me and yells "Don't even f___ing look at me, don't even f___ing look at me!" Someone suggests
that she sit down and she does, on the couch next to Mark. She is emotionally distraught and now I smell alcohol, but I think
that she is a friend of Steve and Mark so... Steve offers her a cookie which she devoured like she had not eaten all day.
Then she threw her head back and belted out part of an old Johnny Cash song (in my mind I can see her singing, the way
you might remember a car accident, and I remember that the song was familiar, but I can't remember it). Then she stood up
and made her way to the back of the shop, stopping to talk to all of the customers along the way. By this time I am calling
the Enterprise to have Scotty beam me up. Suddenly she heads for the door, stopping to throw Mark's coat on the floor and
then turning as is if she is going to address me in front of the crowd. I pointed to the door and said "Don't come back"
(which came out much louder than I meant it to) and she is gone. Steve and Mark come up to the bar and tell me that since
the live music has ended, they are leaving. I ask if they know her and they say that they thought that she was my friend.

September 2004
NO FOREIGN COFFEE, PLEEASE!!!
On a recent Saturday morning at the Great Falls Farmer's Market Michele had a customer inquire about our featured roast
drip coffee. Michele explained that our feature,  India Nuggets, was a dry processed estate grown bean imported from India
and roasted to a medium dark roast in our shop. The customer was not impressed. She explained that she had traveled
abroad extensively and the coffee was always gross. She just wanted good old American coffee and she asked about our
house blend. Michele explained that our Cool Beans blend included three South American coffees. The customer was upset
that we didn't have American coffee and left with no coffee at all. Uncaffeinated and uneducated. A real coffee disaster
waiting for a place to happen. (FYI: there is no commercial coffee raised in the lower 48 states. Kauai and Kona islands in
Hawaii produce expensive, sweet and mild coffees, the only American (U.S.) coffees. )

August 2004
BACK IN THE DAY...
A couple of very well worn of "gentlemen" with career alcoholic written all over them stopped in today. This happens every
once in while, a couple of drunks stumble in looking for a drink. They are looking for the old Lobby Bar and think this might
be it. Today was different, they didn't ask if they could get a drink. The one gentlemen was telling a story to the other about
how he used to spend a lot of time here "back in the day" and commenced to spinning yarns about the fun he had  in those
days. He asked me what this place was called when it used to be a "real" bar. I started to explain that this never was a real
bar, but he wasn't having any of that and interrupted with his guesses about the name, maybe the Lobby, or the Montana,
or the Maverick, or the Minneapolis. Customers were beginning to line up, I asked him what I could get him but he was still
telling stories about the time he used to spend here. I asked him when he stopped wearing women's clothing. That got his
attention. Then I explained that during the time period that he was talking about this was a women's clothing store called the
Roost and they would have only let him hang out if he bought women's clothing. The silent friend burst into laughter and
they made their way out the door.  How different his life might have been if the first bar he walked into had served only
coffee.

June 30, 2004
DOWNTOWN SIGN SURVIVES RUTHLESS ATTACK
We have a sandwich board sign that sits on the sidewalk just outside our main entrance.  Just as a very busy lunch was
beginning to wind down two young boys, approximately 5 and 7 appeared out of nowhere and blasted the sign with large
fluorescent colored water guns. We watched, stunned, as their mother stood watching them hose down the chalkboard
sign. Michele sprang into action and headed out the door. As she emerged the mother told the boys “that lady is going to
beat you up.” The boys ran for the hills. The mother walked down the street after them. Michele brought the sign in and let
it dry. Customers were shocked (they don’t spend as much time here as we do). How could the mother just stand and
watch!!  Adequate caffeination plus an unusual event; the perfect recipe for a lively coffee shop discussion.

June 8, 2004
Today a customer asked if we have Hot Chocolate. Simple question. Michele answered that we do have hot chocolate. The
customer asked that Michele prepare one for her daughter because her daughter is constipated and chocolate is a natural
laxative. Yes, she really said that. Simply a case of WAY TOO MUCH INFORMATION.

May 27, 2004
A woman, with a pacifier in her mouth, walked by on the sidewalk today.......
(let that sink in for a moment)
......With a baby in a stroller.  Mom is obviously not getting enough coffee.

May 19, 2004
An alert customer, noting the custom hand made cedar strip canoe that we currently have hanging above the bar, asked if
this space used to be a boat loft before we moved in. Of course, a boat loft. They always put boat storage in downtown
commercial districts, and they always leave $3000 boats hanging around when they close the place down. Don't they? At
least he ordered coffee.

May 12, 2004
A 60+ year old female tourist came into the shop wearing no skirt and no pants. She wore a t-shirt, a sweater, tights and
sandals. Nothing else. She obviously needed coffee, but didn't order any, just lunch.

May 10, 2004
A customer offered a suggestion (affectionately called a "you should" in the business). The customer (a regular) thought
that it would be good if we kept a few pairs of generic reading glasses around for customers who forget their glasses. The
customer on the stool next to her (another regular) said he thought that it sounded like a great idea, in fact, maybe we
should keep a jar of glass eyes in case someone forgot their glass eye, and perhaps some prosthetic limbs and extra
dentures would be good to have around. Creativity, one of the advantages of adequate caffeination.

April 29, 2004
A customer asked the price of one of the homemade apple pastries on the bar. I explained that the pastry was $2.50. He
said that he would take one, paid for it, and, are you ready???....... Walked out the door with the pastry and the $7.00 china
plate that it was on. Not wanting to cause a scene in front of a fairly large crowd, I grabbed a take out container and hurried
after him. When I caught up with him on the sidewalk he explained that he really didn't want the pastry, he just wanted the
plate as a gift for his girlfriend. I explained that the plate was not for sale and offered to trade the plate for the take out
container. He refused and offered to give me the pastry, which, by this time, he had taken a bite out of. After several
minutes of negotiating he finished the pastry, gave me the plate and left in a huff.

March 17, 2003
A well mulleted and tattooed man with a NASCAR drawl chastised his son for playing with other children's toys. Nothing
really significant so far. The the boy's name was Oakley, apparently taken right from the sunglasses that the father was
wearing. We have had countless hours of fun imagining conversations involving other family members and pets with names
like Revo, Vaurnet, Fossil, etc. (In the interest of full disclosure this actually happened at Chico Hot Springs, but I just had to
share it.) Lack of creativity, another unfortunate side effect of under-caffeination.

November 2003
A customer came into the shop, amazed at what she had just seen. A young woman was pushing a giant stroller down the
sidewalk, with six children in it, all of whom appeared to be under the age of 4. The customer could not believe that anyone
would have that many children that close together. We explained that the woman operates a daycare down the street and
uses the giant stroller to take the kids out for walks on sunny days. Simply another case of under caffeination.

October, 2003
A lady  actually called the police on us for blocking the alley while we unloaded things from our concession trailer at
1:30 pm on a Sunday afternoon. She asked us to move, we said we would as soon as we were finished, estimated to be 15
to 20 minutes. She called the cops. The investigating officer said she told him that we were rude. A 30 minute investigation
ensued. No citations were issued. Both the caller and the officer seemed to be irrational and irritable, most likely as the
result of a poor coffee experience.
(We are closed on Sunday's)

May, 2003
On a rainy spring day with not much happening in the shop we watched one of downtown's characters walk down the
sidewalk with a large pair of industrial rubber gloves lying on top of his head. He had to walk especially carefully to keep the
gloves from falling off of his head and he seemed rather proud of his high tech rain protection equipment.  Not really related
to caffeination at all.

March 2003
We don't accept credit or debit cards at the shop and this has lead to several interesting situations. A cute young couple
came in and ordered drinks which I prepared. They only had plastic, no cash or checks. I gave them the drinks and told
them that they could pay me the next time they were in the shop. Couple of days later the same thing happened again with
a different couple and I responded the same way.  Couple of days later the same scenario and I am getting suspicious, but I
am a nice guy and a little bit slow. Later I decide that I am not going to give the drinks in these situations because I think
that I am being played. Sure enough over the next couple of days we get several situations with nothing but plastic to pay.
One of them even suggests that I could just let her take the drinks and she could pay me the next time she came in. None
of them ever came in again. Our first scam. Sometimes people need caffeine so much that they are willing to do whatever it
takes.